Duty and Desire
by DreamingByDay
Summary: In order to prevent the onset of yet another debilitating intergalactic war, Luke Skywalker reluctantly agrees to marry a wealthy noblewoman. There is just one problem with this arrangement he's hopelessly in love with bar dancer Mara Jade.


Duty and Desire

"Come on, Kid. It'll be fun." Luke Skywalker shook his blonde head and rolled his eyes at his longtime friend and recent brother-in-law Han Solo. "Luke, you've gotta have a bachelor party," Han persisted. "I promised Wedge and Lando that I'd get you to come. There's nothing wrong with it."

Luke sighed wearily. "Han, please. I'm not saying it's wrong. I just…don't feel up to it, alright?"

"Luke, you haven't felt up to doing anything ever since you got engaged."

"Did you ever think there might be a reason for that?" Luke spat back, harsher than he had intended to.

Han stared at his brother-in-law. Never in the last six months had the Jedi Master expressed unhappiness with his impending marriage to Lady Gwyneth Tennille, ruler of the newly united Unknown Regions Empire. Sure, the kid hadn't seemed extremely pleased with the arrangement, but whenever he had talked about it to Han and Leia, all Luke mentioned was the peace his political marriage would buy the galaxy. Then again, Han hadn't seen much of Luke in the past half a year, and whenever he had, the Jedi always looked worn, tired, and wearier than he had even during the worst days of the Rebellion.

"Okay, Kid," Han said, rather gently for Han Solo. "What is it?"

"What is what?"

"What's wrong? You look more stressed than you did on the day we all found out Vader's your dad."

Luke shook his head again. "Never mind, Han. I guess…I guess I'm just doubting this whole…"

"Arranged marriage?" Han asked, then melodramatically covered his mouth with his hands.

"Look," Luke began, his tone angry once more. "You know what Fey'lya said. We can't win another war right now."

"So you're sacrificing yourself to save the galaxy again?"

"No one dies this way, Han. I'm not 'sacrificing myself'."

"No, I suppose not. You're just sacrificing your happiness."

Luke glared at the taller man. "You have no right-" he began, but his voice trailed off as he realized that Han indeed _was_ right. For a long time, the two men stood in silence, Han looking intently at his brother-in-law, Luke staring at the ground and disinterestedly tracing patterns in the dirt with the toe of his black boot.

"You know my history with relationships, Han. Any girl I remotely like either ends up dead before our first kiss, or turns out to be a crazy assassin or some sort of Sith-in-training. Maybe I'm not meant to find my happiness through marriage."

"I'm not talking about marriage, Luke. I'm talking about _love_."

Luke rolled his eyes. "My girlfriends don't survive for a second date, Han. And if they do, they pull a Callista and leave before I can even figure out where we stand. I've never been in love. You know that."

"Never?" Han's eyes narrowed, and his face took on that scheming look that always made Luke dread whatever was coming next. The young Jedi shook his head once more, but refused to meet Han's critical gaze.

For a minute, Han did not answer, and Luke thought he had finally won. Then the ex-smuggler uttered the two words that Luke had been hoping no one would ever say in his presence again. "Mara Jade."

A thousand emotions immediately rushed through Luke, and he could feel his light face flushing horribly. Refusing to reply, he grabbed Han's arm and dragged the startled man to his speeder.

"What in the name of the-?"

"Get in," Luke snapped, fiercely shoving Han towards the passenger door.

"Where are we going?" Han asked tentatively, unsure whether he was going to survive this conversation.

"To get a drink." Slamming the driver's door shut as he sprang into the transport, Luke zoomed away so fast that Han grabbed the control board in spite of himself. _I am being flown by an insane Jedi Master_, Han thought to himself. _Goodbye, Leia, Jacen, Jaina. I am going to die_.

Ten minutes later, Luke screeched to a stop outside a seedy cantina, and an ashen-faced Han Solo quickly threw open the door and jumped out.

"What's going on?" asked Wedge Antilles, who was waiting with Lando Calrissian at the bar's entrance. Han shook his mussed hair and looked to Luke, but the Jedi did not answer.

"Come on," Lando said finally. "Let's go have some fun before poor Skywalker gets himself hitched tomorrow." The laughter seemed forced as the three longtime friends led Luke into the dim Last Chance Cantina.

Lando and Han, who despite their new, supposedly "straight" professions were still smugglers at heart, found themselves instantly at home in the bar. The two men hurried to a table and began ordering drinks. Even Wedge, a decorated general, seemed at ease, sinking into a chair beside Han and instantly pulling out a handful of sabaac chips. Luke, on the other hand, looked like an innocent child suddenly pulled into a world he did not understand at all. _For all his Jedi training and military experience, Luke's still as naïve as he was the day I met him_, Han reflected idly.

Suddenly, Luke's wide-eyed gaze moved from the deathstick dealers in the corner to the barely clothed dancers gyrating on the stage, and his baby blue eyes flew open even wider. Han followed his brother-in-law's stare, and his eyes lighted on a lithe, red-haired woman pole dancing near the edge of the stage.

"Oh, Sith," Han muttered, instantly standing up.

"What is it?" Wedge asked absentmindedly, his focus still on the sabaac game he was rapidly losing to Lando.

Han did not answer, and instead moved to Luke's side. "Luke?" he asked, but the young man did not answer. Luke's face looked beyond stricken as he watched Mara Jade bend down seductively to pick up something that a slightly chunky middle-aged spacer had tossed to her. Stepping lightly down from the stage, Mara took the man's arm and allowed him to lead her towards the private rooms in the back. She leaned over and whispered something in his ear, and the man's beady eyes lit up in lustful anticipation.

"Luke, don't-" Han started to say, but Luke had already moved forward. Brushing Han's hand off his arm, the Jedi Master pushed his way to the other side of the room until he was standing beside Mara and her new "employer".

"Excuse me, _sir_," Luke began coldly, not even looking at the red-haired woman next to him. "How much did you pay for that…woman?"

"Twenty credits. Why?" The man seemed impatient, and all too eager to retreat in to the private room with Mara.

"Here," Luke said, pulling out a million-credit voucher. "Will this do?"

The man stared at the bill in Luke's hand for less than a second before grabbing it eagerly and shoving the completely taken aback Mara Jade at Luke. "Sorry, sweetheart," the pudgy spacer chuckled. "But I can get a whole lot more lovin' with this baby." Cradling the money tenderly, he hurried off to the bar.

Mara gaped at Luke, but before she could speak, he took her elbow and led her into the nearest private room, letting the door slowly shut behind them with an ominous click.

Mara stared at the floor in silence, refusing to meet the hurt, questioning blue gaze of her friend. Luke stood there facing her for a long moment, uncertain of what to do next. Finally, he sat down on the silken-sheeted bed, the only piece of furniture in the tiny room, and gently took Mara's wrist in his hand to pull her down next to him. "Sit down," he said quietly, almost pleadingly. "Please."

Still not meeting his eyes, she reluctantly complied with his request, making sure to stay as far away from him as possible. The two sat in a tense silence until Luke reached over and, taking a deep breath, gently brushed her hand with his own. "Mara," he began tentatively, "what's going on?"

She shook her head, and her fiery red locks fell enticingly over her smooth, bare shoulders. Luke tried to remember what he had come to say, but found it increasingly difficult with Mara Jade, beautiful, dangerous, and nearly naked, sitting beside him. "Nothing," she answered, jarring him from his very un-Jedi-like thoughts.

"I see."

She rolled her gorgeous emerald eyes. "I'm just working, Skywalker. I should be the one asking what _you_ are doing here. But I suppose that's self-explanatory, considering where you are."

Luke blushed. "No, Mara, it's not like that at all. I…I…"

"You what? Wanted one night of fun before getting married? Wanted to hurt her the same way you hurt me? Or did you just want to come here and remind me how much power you have over me?"

Looking into her face, Luke immediately felt ashamed. Her eyes glittered with tears that she stubbornly refused to shed. "Mara," he tried again. "I don't want to…I mean, that's not why I'm here. I just wanted…I need to talk to you."

"You paid a million credits just to talk to me? Come off it."

"I did."

"You're crazy, Skywalker. You just wasted a ridiculous amount of money for no reason."

"_You_ aren't 'no reason'. And you're worth so much more than a million credits. You're…you're priceless." Luke fell silent, thinking, before daring to speak again. "Why are you doing this, Mara? Don't you know how much you're worth?"

"I'm worth nothing," she spat, glaring at him. "And I need to eat."

"I'll buy you food," he promptly blurted out. "I'll buy you whatever you want. I can get you a new job…a _good_ job."

"I've never been good enough for you, have I, Skywalker?" she responded angrily.

"No, that's not what I meant. I just…I don't like seeing you like…like this," he finished lamely.

"Well, most men do," she retorted. "I'm only trying to survive."

"Then let me take care of you," he insisted again.

"I don't need your charity, Skywalker."

He winced at her harsh words. Why couldn't she see that she deserved so much more than this dead-end path she was currently walking? How could he make her understand that he did not want her to hurt anymore, that he longed to take away all her pain and self-loathing and show her just how wonderful she truly was?

"Mara," Luke began again, his eyes suddenly and painfully drawn to the pile of whips, chains, and stuncuffs in the corner and the fading reddish welts crisscrossing Mara's emaciated wrists and arms. "Do they hurt you?"

For a moment, caught off guard, she almost answered him honestly, so touched was she by the genuine caring in his voice. But she quickly snapped out of it, instantaneously snapping her many shields back into place around her mind and heart. "I'm fine," she told him.

Luke refused to back down. "No, you're not," he argued, surprising both Mara and himself by shifting closer to her and wrapping his arms around her too-thin frame. "And I want to help you." She did not respond. "Mara, I know you think you're not worthy of anything," Luke pressed on, "or anyone. But you are. You're…you're the strongest, bravest, most amazing woman I know. You're the only one who's ever dared question me, the one person who understands what I've been through. You're loyal, funny, smart…gorgeous…you're perfect, Mara Jade."

"Not perfect enough to marry," she replied bitterly, choking back tears. And Luke suddenly realized exactly why she was so angry with him.

"Mara, we-"

"I know," she interrupted harshly. "We've been over it."

Luke was not sure if that was how he would describe the fierce, heart-wrenching fight that had ensued between the two of them when Mara found out – through the HoloNet, no less – that the man she had thought might be more than her best friend was engaged to another woman. Refusing to listen to his stammering explanations, she had stormed off angrily, slamming the door in his face and cutting herself off from their Force bond. He had not seen or heard from her since.

"That's not what I was going to say," he told her. "I meant…we…we need to talk."

"Isn't that what we've been doing?"

Luke winced under her icy stare. "Please, Mara," he pleaded. "Don't shut me out. Don't do this to us."

"_Us_? There is no 'us', Skywalker. You made that clear enough when you got yourself engaged to that…that queen woman."

"I know. And I hate myself for it."

"Why? You were just doing what you had to do for the good of the galaxy, right? Just like you always do."

"Then you…you understand?" The hopeful look on his face was so endearing that Mara almost forgot she was furious with this blonde-haired, blue-eyed, unbelievably innocent farmboy who over the years had unknowingly repaired and then rebroken her shattered heart.

"Do whatever you need to, Skywalker," she told him at last. "It's not like I ever meant anything to you anyways. Besides being another Jedi candidate, I mean."

"This isn't about your training, Jade," Luke sighed. "Or lack thereof."

"Then what is it about?"

"It's about…about how I feel. How I feel about you." He took a deep breath, steeling himself for what he was about to do, and gently, hesitantly took her into his arms. "How I can't live without you. How you're the only woman I've ever dreamed about, the only woman I want so much that I can't sleep anymore…the only woman I love."

Mara stiffened in his embrace. "No," she whispered, sounding almost frightened, shaking her red-gold curls. "No, Luke. You can't love me. You can't. You don't."

He realized she was sobbing silently, and he pulled her into him, gently stroking her hair as she cried on his chest. "I do, Mara. Why is that so hard to believe?"

She suddenly pulled away, glaring at him harshly. "Because you're engaged to someone else?" Her tone revealed just how stupid she thought Skywalker could be. "You're just saying it to make me feel better."

"Don't ever-" he began, but the words fell dead on his lips as her icy gaze pierced his heart. "What am I supposed to do, Mara?" he asked her. "Sacrifice the galaxy for my own happiness? Say I can't marry her because I'm painfully in love with another woman, a woman who barely even tolerates me and who would never even think of marrying someone as naïve and idiotically idealistic as me?"

Mara was quiet for a long time before finally turning away from Luke and whispering something so softly that the Jedi Master wondered if he had imagined it. "You never asked."

"What?"

She again shook her head. "Never mind."

"No," he persisted. "You can't do this. You can't…you can't keep letting me do what I _should_ do, what other people tell me to do."

"Why not?"

"Because it's not what you want. It's not what _I_ want."

"Skywalker, you can get whatever you want. You're…you're perfect. You're a hero. You always save the day, do the right thing, make everyone happy."

"Maybe I'm tired of it," he admitted. "And you're wrong. I've made lots of mistakes in my life." He gazed longingly at her, his eyes caressing her face like he knew his hands never could. "And I can't get whatever I want."

Entranced by his eyes, lost in their deep blue infinity, Mara leaned close to him and wrapped her arms around him. "Sure you can," she murmured, looking up at him imploringly.

He tilted her head back and kissed her slowly, deeply, longingly, saying so much with no words at all.

The two finally pulled away slightly, gasping for air and clinging to each other. Looking down at the sad, beautiful woman in his arms, Luke realized that she had tears glistening in her eyes. "Mara?" Luke asked, concern flooding his voice. "What's wrong?"

She glared at him suddenly, and her face, momentarily softened just seconds before, froze harder than Luke had ever seen it. "How dare you!" she hissed, her tone low and dangerous. "How dare you? After all you've done, after all you're still doing to me, you just sit there acting all sweet and confused, and pretend like you don't know what's wrong? Like you aren't the one _making_ it all wrong?" To Luke's utter disbelief, she choked and burst into tears, turning away from the Jedi Master and burying her head in her lap.

For a while Luke just sat there, unsure of how to respond. All he wanted was to comfort Mara, to take away her pain and end her suffering, to hold her in his arms and kiss her like there was no tomorrow…

Finally he settled on scooting closer to her and tentatively placing an arm around her violently shaking shoulders. She stiffened, but said nothing. "Mara?" he asked, hoping to the Force that she would talk to him. "You said that _I'm_ doing all this…stuff…to you? Exactly what am I doing?" She did not respond, did not even look at him. "Please, Mara," he pleaded quietly. "I need to know. So I can stop. So I don't hurt you anymore."

"It's nothing," she answered at last. "It's…not your fault."

"Then why are you furious with me?"

"I'm not furious with _you_," she returned, sighing wearily. "I'm just mad at myself."  
"For what?" Luke's voice was soft now, as gently as his strong hands, which were stroking her bare back of their own accord.

"For letting you break my-" she began to snap, then realized what she had been about to say and fell silent, flushing scarlet and quickly averting her gaze from Luke's curious, intensely blue stare.

"What?" he pressed, but she merely shook her head and moved to stand up in an attempt to get away from her farmboy's penetrating gaze. No, she corrected herself, not _her_ farmboy. He would never be _her_ farmboy. No matter how much she loved him. Mara winced as she finally admitted to herself just how deep her feelings for the attractive, earnest, infuriatingly idealistic farmboy-turned-Jedi ran. She knew he would never love her back, not truly, she knew he deserved someone infinitely better than her, she knew it would never work, and yet…Yet she still loved him. And she always would, even though he was planning to break her heart again, even though he would be married to another woman in under a day.

Luke stood up with Mara, grabbing her around the waist and not allowing her to move any further away. "Stop it," Mara practically begged. "Just leave me alone. Please, Luke."

"You…you called me Luke." His surprise radiated off him through the Force. He was so overwhelmed that he forgot her request and did not let go of her.

"I said, leave me alone!"

"No!" He pulled her closer to him. "Mara, I…Mara, please...I can't do this anymore. I can't _live_ like this."

"Neither can I," she shot back, shoving him hard away from her. "Look, Luke…just…just leave, alright?"

He stood his ground. "I think I paid for one night, Mara Jade. One _entire_ night."

Mara blushed despite herself, suddenly conscious again of where they were and what she was – and wasn't – wearing. "Do you want to sleep with me, Luke? Is that what you're trying to say?" Her voice was hard and bitter.

"Yes!" Luke blurt out, before flushing a brighter red than Mara. "I mean, no! I mean, not just that…I…Mara…we…I…" Unable to finish, he held out his hands. "Dance with me?"

To his astonishment, she stepped closer and allowed him to wrap his arms tightly around her barely-clothed figure. For a while they danced together, slowly moving as one. Mara cried silently, and Luke, asking no questions, gently brushed her tears away. Reaching up, he caressed her long red-gold hair, then ran his hand down her long, smooth neck. His fingers stopped near her collarbone, and she leaned in, eyes nearly closed, as if to kiss him. Luke took her head in his hands and leaned in as well, then stopped.

"Luke?" Her voice was breathy.

"No, Mara," he told her, shaking his sandy blonde head sadly. "Not like this."

"Wh-what?"

"You deserve more," he continued. "More than meaningless kisses in the backroom of a brothel. More than me."

"Your kisses aren't meaningless," she spat back, her eyes glowing fiercely again. "At least not to me."

"Mara-"

She cut him off. "And I _don't_ deserve more than you. You know it. And I…" Her voice choked slightly, but she pressed on. "I don't even _have_ you. I never have. And I never will. I know that no matter what happens, no matter what I give you tonight, tomorrow you will leave me again, and marry…her. And before you say we'll still be friends, I want you to listen to me. I don't _want_ to be your friend. I've never wanted that. I…I love you, Luke. And I wish that you could love me. But you can't. I know. I understand. I just…" Crying openly, she swayed on her feet and nearly collapsed onto the cold stone floor.

In less than a heartbeat, Luke was beside her, sitting and cradling her as she softly fell into his lap, still sobbing. Amazed by her very un-Mara-like confession, he put his arms around her neck and rocked her back and forth.

"You're wrong, you know," he whispered softly.

"About what?"

"About everything. I didn't come here for sex, Mara. You know me better than that. I came here for you. And yes, I do want to sleep with you." He put a finger to her outraged lips, silencing her comeback. "But only when we're married." Her eyes widened in disbelief. "I…I want you to be my wife, Mara Jade. I love you with all I am, and I always will. I can't keep doing what everyone else wants…I can't keep living a lie…and I can't keep denying to myself that I need you. Because I do. I need you, I want you, I care about you more than you'll ever know…I dream about you every night, for Sith's sake! And I love you. You hear me? I love you, Mara Jade. And I want to marry you."

Tears pooled in her emerald eyes again, and the beautiful, impoverished ex-assassin nodded wordlessly. "Please, Luke," she managed at last. "Please tell me this is not all some horrible joke. Please let this be real."

"It's real," he assured her, tenderly pushing a loose strand of hair out of her face and cupping her trembling chin in his palm. In the next instant, their lips met in a fiery wave of passion, and all coherent thoughts left Luke's mind. Mara moved and, straddling him, kissed her way up his neck, and Luke pulled her closer to him, conscious of nothing but the way her bare skin felt under his hands and the soft pressure of her legs around his waist. When the two finally broke apart slightly, gasping in desperate need of air, Luke realized that he had somehow pinned Mara against the wall, holding her head in one of his hands and clutching her to him with the other. Mara, for her part, was flushed and more beautiful than Luke had ever seen her before. Her wavy red-gold hair, which Luke had in his passion yanked from its typical long braid, hung almost to her navel, and little jewels sparkled on her enticingly bare skin. The ex-assassin untangled her hands from Luke's longish hair and breathed slowly and deeply, deliberately tearing her jade eyes from the Jedi Master's sapphire ones.

"Mara? You okay?" Luke tenderly reached out to wipe the sweat from her glistening forehead, but she shrank away, sinking down in the corner beside the pile of chains and other such devices.

"Here," she spat, using the Force to toss a pair of stuncuffs at the now thoroughly bewildered Luke. "You want to use these, too?"

Luke looked genuinely confused. "I'm not going to arrest you, Mara," he assured her.

Her mouth hung open in astonishment. "That's not what they're for," she finally managed.

"Then what…? Oh." The farmboy finally seemed to get it, at least if the bright red color of his face was any indication. Throwing the stuncuffs to the floor, he crouched down beside Mara, careful not to touch her.

"Listen to me, Mara Jade. I will never, ever, _ever_ do anything like that to you. Ever." He took her hands in his then, running his fingers lightly over the scars and welts that marred her slender arms. "And you shouldn't let other people hurt you like that, either," he couldn't resist adding.

"There are worse ways to be hurt," she responded bitterly, pulling away.

Luke grabbed her arms again, then froze, struck through the Force by the powerful feelings rolling off the woman he loved. She felt completely vulnerable, no longer in control, uncertain, and…terrified? "Please don't be scared, Mara," he began, attempting to assure her that what he felt was real, that he had and would always love her and could not even imagine hurting her.

"Stay out of my mind, Skywalker." Her retort sounded weary, more resigned than threatening.

"Sorry." He meant it. The Jedi shook his head in frustration, unsure of what he had done wrong, unsure of what Mara wanted.

"You didn't do anything wrong," she reassured him, gently brushing his warm cheek with her fingertips. "It's me." Luke waited for her to continue, sensing that she wanted to talk. "I guess I'm just…not ready for this." Luke opened his mouth to speak, but she held up a hand, silencing him. "I know, I know, I've done a lot more with other guys. But it's not the same. It didn't mean anything then…it was just a job, or an easy way to get information for my Master. And they weren't…they weren't _you_," she told him, desperate to make him understand that he truly was special to her. "_I_ don't want to hurt _you_," she concluded fiercely, her green eyes flashing. "And I won't."

"I wasn't even thinking of that," Luke replied when he knew she was done talking.

"Of what?"

"What you've done. Other guys. Your…your 'work.' Any of it. But I don't care about it, Mara. I just…want you to stop?" He was afraid she would yell at him again, but he had to say it. Because part of him – a very large part – wondered if this beautiful young woman, so scarred and betrayed by life, even knew _how_ to love. Would she – could she – commit to him in the same way that he longed to commit only to her, now and forever?

She nodded mutely, to Luke's enormous relief. "I'm sorry," she murmured, over and over. "I never meant to hurt you. I'm sorry." He took her in his arms, gently and affectionately, and let her cry against his well-muscled chest.

"Shhh," he whispered soothingly. "It's going to be alright. Your past is behind you now, Mara. You can start over. And it's going to be alright. It's going to be wonderful."

"What is?" She looked up at him, keeping her trembling arms locked tightly around his back.

"Your life." He made it sound so obvious.

She shook her head. "No," she responded, her voice heavy with regret but also full of acceptance. "No, it won't be. But that's okay. Because yours will be." She kissed his forehead tenderly, but Luke frowned. He didn't like where this was going.

"What do you mean?" His voice was strangled.

"You're right, Luke. I've hurt you so much already…maybe I _don't_ know what commitment is. Maybe I _can't_ love."

"Now who's reading minds?" Neither one smiled at the joke.

"Luke, it wouldn't work. And you know it."

"What wouldn't?"

"Us."

"I think it could. I love-"

"And what exactly were you planning to do, Luke? Whisk me off to Yavin, train me, and then marry me?"

"N-no," he stammered, hoping she still didn't think he was acting like he cared for her only to get her to train as a Jedi. "I wanted to whisk you off, marry you – wherever you want, and then…well, take care of you. Protect you. _Love_ you. You could train, if you wanted. But if you don't…that's okay. Mara, I'll…I'll give up the Academy, if that's what you want. I'd do anything for you. I'd…I'd go to the Dark Side, if you-"

"No!" she cried, suddenly icy cold and more afraid than she could ever remember feeling in all her hard, bitter years of life. "Don't say that, Luke. Don't. Ever. Say. That."

"It's true," he half-whispered. "And it scares me to death, too. But that's how much I love you."

Tears fell down her face again, and Luke found himself wondering just how much pain his Mara could take. "And that's why you can't love me. That's why you're going to marry Lady Tennille, tomorrow. And never speak to me or even see me again."

Luke's heart felt like it had just burst into flames. She couldn't be serious. She just couldn't. But he knew she was. He knew how stubborn she could be, once she set her mind to something, and he knew how loyal she was to those few people that she trusted and cared for. She didn't want to hurt him, she wanted him to be happy – didn't she realize that he would only be happy with her? "Mara, please," he began, but she interrupted, her eyes set in determination.

"No. I'm right, and you know it. I won't let the galaxy go to war again because of me. They'd kill you, Luke, you know that. Her family won't let you just decide to marry someone else, especially not a criminal whose best job was killing for the Emperor."

"But you're so much more than that, Mara," he argued.

"Your own family hates me. Do you think the New Republic will be any more understanding?"

"They don't hate you. Little Anakin adores you. Han likes you. And so do the twins. Leia…she'll come around. She just thinks you've hurt me."

"Which I have. And I probably will again, because…because I'm just a low-life, trashy, murderous-"

"Mara Jade!" His unusually commanding tone left her speechless. "Don't _ever_ talk about yourself like that. Do you understand me?"

She just held him, sobbing, and his tears mixed with her own as he silently acknowledged that she was right. He had to protect the galaxy. Wasn't self-sacrifice one of the main tenets of the Jedi Order? And, more importantly, it was what Mara wanted him to do. "You're right," he murmured, kissing her cheek. "I do have to marry her." Deep down, he knew he was letting her convince him, and even deeper down, he knew that he would never be convinced. But what else could he do? "Mara?" he asked tentatively, desperately. "Will you still…train?"

She shook her head, refusing to look at him. "I…I can't. And it's not because I don't want to. It's…look, I don't trust myself, okay? I'll end up seducing you or something, and you'll be in more trouble than-"

He pulled her closer, caressing her bare back and kissing her slender neck. "I think you've already seduced me, Mara Jade."

"That's…that's why I can't…go to Yavin," she managed to say in between frantic, passionate kisses. "And you know it."

He nodded sadly. "But Mara…"

"What?" she prodded, when he did not continue.

He flushed, embarrassed at what he was about to admit. "She'll, uh, be the first. I mean, the first woman I've…er…I've ever slept with."

"And that's how it should be." Mara avoided his pleading eyes. "Please, Luke…don't make this any harder than it already is."

"I…I'm sorry." Luke lowered his head, ashamed of himself. "I didn't mean-"

"Of course you didn't," she assured him. "Now go. You've got a wedding in a few hours, farmboy." She tried to sound playful. It almost worked.

"Will you at least come? To the wedding?" Mara knew that she should say no, but the look in his ice-blue eyes melted her soul. "I just want to see you one more time," he continued, trying to explain himself. "I want my best friend…my reason for living…the woman I love…at my wedding."

"Even if you're not marrying her?"

He nodded. "This way, I can pretend. At the ceremony, and at night."

Mara winced, cursing his naïve honesty. "Luke…women know when you're thinking of someone else when you make love. I don't want to be the other woman."

"You'll always be my only woman, my beautiful Mara," he whispered, leaning in again to capture her soft lips in a warm, slow kiss.

A few hours later, Mara Jade, her hair done up formally, her jewelry sparkling, and her form-fitting blue-green dress clinging to her figure gracefully, felt once more like the "other woman" as she brushed past Security using the Force and knocked on the door of Luke's dressing room.

She just wanted to talk to him. Really, she did. But he looked so handsome in his fitted black suit, and when he let her in and immediately locked the door behind her…

If, even half a month ago, anyone had told Luke Skywalker, the innocent farmboy from Tatooine, that ten minutes before his wedding he would be making out with another woman, he would have flushed scarlet and emphatically denied it. But now…now he never wanted to let Mara Jade out of his arms.

"Your dress is gorgeous," he told her breathily, admiring the way the sheer fabric clung to her curves and emphasized her bright eyes.

"She'll look better," Mara reminded him, but he ignored her and leaned in to kiss her again.

"No. You're perfect. You're the prettiest, most incredible, loveliest, most gorgeous-"

"Luke, stop it. It's just a dress."

"It's beautiful on you. Where'd you get it?"

She blushed. "Umm…I…I made it, actually." His heart broke, hearing what she had not said – that she could never afford a fancy designer dress, that she had stayed up all night to make the one she now wore simply because she wanted him to not be embarrassed by her.

"It's perfect. And you…you are so talented." He kissed her once more, ignoring the beeping comm that signaled that he was needed for the ceremony to begin. "I love you, Mara Jade."

"I know." She deepened the kiss, longingly holding him close to her, cherishing what she knew would be the last time she ever saw the one man she had ever loved. "I love you too," she murmured when they finally parted. Luke's comlink beeped again, this time more incessantly. She silently unlocked the door and pushed him out. "Goodbye, Luke," she whispered to his retreating form. "Goodbye."

Minutes later, Luke Skywalker stood beside his bride-to-be, half-listening as she batted her impossibly curled eyelashes at him and, in a voice laced with saccharin, promised to be his forever. Suddenly, the young man doubled over in pain as the Force practically screamed with anguish. Every other Force-sensitive in the huge hall felt it too, but none so powerfully or intimately as Luke. As the pain slowly faded away, a woman's face, contorted in determined agony, flashed through his mind. Her green eyes fell closed, and as she slumped to the floor, her red-gold hair formed a wild halo around her too-still face.

"Mara!" Luke wasn't sure if he thought the name or shouted it. All he knew was that he had to get to her. Now. Igniting his lightsaber in a green-white blaze as he leapt off the platform and raced out of the crowded hall, he completely ignored the perplexed cries of the wedding guests.

In under five minutes, he had run the ten blocks and thirty flights of stairs to Mara's rundown lower-level apartment. Not even bothering to knock, he kicked the door in and reached out for her fading Force presence. Following her anguished feelings, he sprinted into the bathroom, only to stop dead in shock at the nightmarish sight before him.

Mara, still as beautiful as ever but now deathly pale, lay unconscious, sprawled on the hard tile floor, a bottle of something lying beside her motionless figure. Bending down to kneel beside his love, Luke realized with horror that she had poisoned herself, and he guiltily remembered the jolt of fear he had earlier dismissed as pre-wedding nerves when Mara's last, whispered goodbye to him seemed far too final for comfort. Reaching out to check for a pulse, he noticed that she was tightly clutching to her heart what looked like a small piece of paper. Prying the object from her grasp, Luke felt his eyes fill with tears. It was a holo of the two of them, one that the Jedi Master remembered Kyp Durron taking right after a very long sparring session. Luke and Mara were both reclined on a bench, looking sweaty and tired, and the two friends wore huge smiles. For once, Mara actually looked content. Indeed, she was practically glowing as she playfully joked around with Luke, who for his part had placed an arm comfortably around Mara's shoulders. _She looks like she belongs there_, Luke reflected, cursing his naïveté for nearly allowing her to talk him into marrying Lady Tennille. _Was this her plan all along?_ Luke wondered. _To make sure I was married, respected, and taken care of, and then kill herself?_

_Well, it's not happening today_, he vowed furiously, bending over her and pressing his lips to hers so that he could breathe for her. She gasped slightly, then fell quiet again. Reaching out, Luke tenderly wiped her sweaty forehead with his gloved hand before placing it over her still heart. Closing his eyes and concentrating intently, he called on the Force with every fiber of his being, willing the universe to heal the nearly-dead woman lying on the floor. Slowly time passed – Luke did not know if it was hours or seconds – until at last her emerald eyes fluttered open and she looked around, startled and confused.

"Lu-Luke?" Her weak voice shook, and Luke, overcome with an intense desire to protect her from every danger, now until the end of eternity, gathered her delicate body in his arms and held her tightly to him.

"Don't ever do that to me again, Mara," he sobbed, cradling her closer and rocking her gently. "_Ever_."

Mara slowly half-untangled herself to gaze up at the tear-streaked face of the man she loved. Nodding wordlessly, she reached up to wipe the tears from his cheeks. "I take it I'm still alive?" She attempted her usual wry tone, but was betrayed by her faltering voice.

"What do you think?" Luke responded.

Staring intently into his eyes, Mara ran her fingers through Luke's sandy blonde hair and leaned into him until the two were so close together that if either moved forward so much as a hair's breadth, their lips would meet. "I think I died," Mara murmured softly, "and now I'm in heaven."

Luke had to agree as he leaned in to meet her soft mouth, losing himself in her kiss and allowing her to take him away from the problems, expectations, and pressures he faced every day in his role as the New Republic's only Jedi Master. When they finally pulled apart, Luke took Mara's hands in his own, caressing them softly and thanking the Force that he had reached her in time. "Force, Mara," he whispered, shaking his head. "Do you know how much I almost lost today?"

Mara did not reply, instead turning Luke's hands over and gazing at them. "Luke?" she asked finally. "Where's your…your ring?"

He grinned guiltily. "With her still. I guess." Mara's shocked expression made Luke laugh softly.

"You…you're not…you didn't…?" she asked tentatively, her fear of what his answer might be pooling in her jade eyes.

Luke shook his head. "You almost convinced me, you know that?" he told her softly as he stroked her wild hair. "But I just couldn't do it. Not after feeling your pain. Not after last night." She continued to stare into his eyes, transfixed by his obvious love for her. "There's only one woman I could ever marry," he finished. "And her name is Mara Jade." He placed a tender kiss on the top of her head, then lifted her into his arms as he stood up. "You are so beautiful," he whispered, twirling her around. "And perfect," he added, gently setting her on her feet.

She opened her mouth to contradict him, but he placed a finger to her lips, silencing her. "No, Mara. It's true. I…I don't know why you love me, because I certainly don't deserve you. Not after how many times I've left you, hurt you…But I know that what we feel is real. And I can't live without it anymore. I can't live without _you_, Mara." The gorgeous woman's face registered her utter astonishment as the Jedi Master took her right hand in both of his own and dropped down onto a knee. "Mara Jade," he asked, love emanating from his very soul, "would you… will you marry me?"

For a long time, she just stood there, gazing at him affectionately and searing the moment into her memory. "I thought you'd never ask," she smiled finally, throwing herself into his arms and kissing him tenderly. "But yes, Luke. I will." Their eyes, lips and hearts met, forever sealing their promise of commitment, companionship, and love, and for the first time in their lives, Luke Skywalker and Mara Jade were completely at peace.


End file.
